I have a band now! Come see us play!

NEWS (Brought to you by Dude McFace, the lovable unemployment doll that children adore. Forget ‘fantasy bears’ filling your child’s head with intangible notions – let little one be lulled to sleep by Dude’s crackly tales of having his place broken into, being ripped off by his defacto, and losing his job at the rugby canteen.)

• I have a band! (Not just me with a Tamborine stuck to my head – although that act seeks management) It is with great honour and pleasure that I welcome into my musical boudoir Andy Hazel on bass. (It’s okay to clap at the computer.) And Hugh Rabinovici on drums. (More clapping!) Andy is originally from Tasmania, has been in seminal UK outfits Yay Us! and Tacoma Radar (who were on the same label as Camera Obscura), is studying Naturopathy and is possibly the nicest person ever invented. Hugh has studied drumming in India, is currently studying improvisation at the Victorian College of the Arts, wears a mean waistcoat and is phenomenally good. Extra instruments and members shall be deployed at special events such as album launches – keeping the three of us as the indie-core.

We had our first gig at the Espy at midnight – and officially didn’t suck, with honours. I am still recovering from the sheer joy of seeing ‘unsolicited bopping’ from assorted punters. Dancing is the new laughs. (And dancing while laughing is the ultimate feedback, although it does look like you’re having relations with a cheeky ghost.) At one point a guy yelled out “are you emo?” Small steps.

• The small coastal town of Swansea on the East coast of Tasmania was all smiles after winning Australia’s most premier community award and being named Australia’s tidiest town.

• My lady partner Anna and I recently celebrated one year of being together. I thank her humbly for her warmth, humour and processes.

• A new planet has been discovered by astronomers – It’s got the same climate as Earth, plus water and gravity. It’s twenty light years away and five times the diameter of Earth. It supports the theory that the universe is teeming with Earth-like planets. Lucky America has introduced intergalactic copyright. This was introduced after Singer Peggy Lee successfully sued the Disney corporation, after they started selling ‘Lady and the Tramp’ videos. Her contract back in the day hadn’t mentioned the use of these futuristic devices. Disney added a ‘throughout the universe’ clause to make sure studios never went through anything like that again. Or something.

• Before going in to see Spiderman 3 at Melbourne Hoyts, I went into the bathroom to fill up my water bottle, placing my ticket in my mouth to hold while I completed the task. The new-age art-deco designed taps were very low in the basin and sent the water sprouting out like a shower, so it took me a lot longer than expected to fill my bottle. Thus, the saliva holding the ticket in my mouth dried, so that when I raced out and snatched back my ticket, I tore off a little bit of skin, which I could see, like a butterfly’s eyelid, on the ticket. It hurt for the rest of the day. Particularly after being mixed with the pain of seeing the film.

• In Bed With My Doona has been catalogued by the National Libraries of Australia. http://nla.gov.au/anbd.bib-an000041157467. If you don’t feel like buying the album, and can’t download it, you can always borrow it. Gee, you could probably sell a few bootlegged copies on cassette, apply for a small business loan, get a few lucky rolls at Crown Casino and retire.

• My dear Pop, Len Heazlewood passed away peacefully on May 12 in Burnie Hospital, aged 87. He was a good man and very loved.