I’m looking for Melbourne based extras for a Bedroom Philosopher film clip being made sometime in May. Also, I’m hoping to locate a sunny house to use as the location for the shoot. Something well-lit is a priority, and preferably you don’t mind things being moved around a bit. The shoot will take one day, most likely a Saturday. Please email me if you are interested.

NEWS (Brought to you by the International Stating The Obvious Championships. Elite athletes from over fifty specialised sports are pitted against each other in a mock interview slalom course. Who can say the most obvious, meaningless rhetoric? Sure, they’re just doing their best on the day and are grateful to be here – but just how grateful?)

• According to Bedroom Philosopher insiders the forthcoming album Brown & Orange is “coming along well.” According to outsiders it is “whatever.” The Happiest Boy (the one about being abducted by aliens when I was thirteen) is set to be the first single, featuring an animated film clip by the relentlessly tremendous David Blumenstein. You can see some initial screen shots here: Korg synthesiser has been added to the album, so it’s now kinda Beck meets Gary Numan, and who wouldn’t want to be at that awkward date?

• My local chicken and chips shop “Chickens On Parade” has closed down. (It’s called that as it’s on a main street called Queens Parade. There’s also ‘Gardens On Parade’ and ‘Fruits On Parade’ so every time I see their signs I sing them in my head to the tune of “Bulls on Parade” by Rage Against The Machine. Small steps.) The man who worked there, who we called Tony, even though he probably wasn’t called that, served up a fine quarter chicken and chips, and towards the end, had a deal for $2.95 quarter chicken and chips between 12-3. Yes, it was too good to be true. As a tribute, I have taken to eating a spoonful of salt and punching myself in the heart every day.

• My three gigs during the Adelaide Fringe were officially ‘bonza.’ Highlights included telling a couple of troublesome, disruptive girls to “f*ck off.” It had to be done, they indeed left and the crowd were appreciative. As I said at the time ‘I am a philosopher of folk, and a philosopher of discipline.’ Beforehand, during a poignant pause one of them had said ‘I wonder if you can get a do-nut in here’ to which I said ‘are you reviewing for the Adelaide Advertiser?’ My newest song, Medium Ted is a surprise hit, and is kind of I’m So Post Modern meets Bon Jovi. Crowds were exceptional. Sound was crisp. And for the first time in a long time I was able to play a setlist of songs that I deeply wanted to play, without anxiety about whether they were funny enough.

• While there, my mate Matt and I went to Glenelg to go on the waterslides. A good rule to remember when in Glenelg, is that you should try and say the word Glenelg as much as possible. Kind of like the movie Nell, with different inflections, you can communicate different needs through the word. E.G. A joke.

Q. Glenelg Glenelg Glenelg Glenelg glen-elg?
A. Glenelg.

Laughter ensues. The oddest thing about the waterslide complex was the music. The funpark P.A. took us on an emotionally fun journey from Sarah Blasko to Augie March to Josh Pyke. The introverted folk-rock onslaught was made all the more ominous, with the frequent interruption of an automated man saying ‘please do not run on the ramps’ – so I’m thinking my next release could be a concept album of assorted waterslide warnings over country ballads. There was even an existential waterslide, where you go down in pairs on an inflatable raft, and at times it’s completely pitch black, with no natural light getting in. The pay off, is landing at the bottom, upside down and giggling, two men in their mid-twenties, while the nonchalant teenage helpers peer at you from afar.

• Lego are having a really hard time keeping up with the supply of their product. They only have one factory in Denmark where all Lego is made. The last Christmas boom has put them seriously behind, apparently.

• I make an appearance in Lawrence Leung’s Melbourne Comedy Festival show “Lawrence Leung Learns To Breakdance.” I was part of the mock hip-hop dance team ‘The Power of Three.’ He also features pictures from the greatest op-shop treasure I’ve ever found ‘Learn to Advance Breakdace with Break Force.’ The show I’d recommend to see during the festival is Renegades Of Folk colleague Josh Earl in ‘Josh Earl is a Librarian,’ on at Trades Hall.