You can apply to be in my band!

In a bid to do justice to the musical diversity of the forthcoming album, I am currently trying to gather a consortium of like-minded mis-fits to form The Bedroom Philosopher and the Pooglet Three. The main position vacant is drummer. Must be able to handle all forms of somewhat out of time art-folk and occasional bit of rocky stuff. Brushes, sticks and mallets. One or two armed females preferred. If you could look as much like the drummer out of Lenny Kravitz’s ‘Are You Gonna Go My Way’ clip as possible that would be great. But seriously folks, I am also on the look out for a piano/synths practitioner, trumpeter, flautist, violinist, (if you could play all these instruments one man band style, that would save on travel) as well as a wide range of assorted talents, ranging from playing the bagpipes underwater, to mastering the harp in a spider costume. We also need ‘dancers’ ‘raffle monitors’ and someone who can rewire the game Operation so that they can play popcorn on it. Send brief, informal applications to me personally through the contact section of this site. Serious offers only.

NEWS (Brought to you by Channel 10’s ‘So You Think You Can Pray.’ Ten religious fanatics from the world’s major religions are pitted against each other in the ultimate battle of salvation. Not the best television really, so we’ve padded it out with an inane English hostess doing yoga in hi-speed.)

• After about a month of seriously murky 9am tram rides to Melbourne suburb Preston (playfully dubbed ‘Depreston’) for Centrelink’s Job Search Training, I have passed with sinking colours. Along the way I learnt how not to urinate on my resume, how to shoot up during a job interview and that I’d be better off with a forklift license. Highlights included an exercise where we had to say five words that described us. Mine were: Desperate, broke, nervous, determined, resourceful. Another was a bloke caught looking up porn who said he was applying for a job in the industry. Actually, that never happened. Fortunately, they are going easy on me for the next six months, with one short meeting a fortnight.

• After four years I’ve ceased writing for Canberra streetpress BMA. The fortnightly column, Struth Be Told, which was also starting to appear in Tasmanian streetpress Sauce, had been writing for four years, which I just said and this is an awkward sentence. I was looking to self-syndicate the column, and was determined to start getting paid a decent amount for it. (see above: Job Search Training) After an online shop around I have had little interest, (and I did get completely served by The Australian for spelling rapport ‘report’ in my Sarah Blasko story) so will concentrate efforts on weaving it into a Bedroom Philosopher book. If you are an editor of a major publication who would like to publish the column then apply within (yourself).

• On the tram recently I saw a man wearing a t-shirt that had various wine glass rim stains on it, and a description of what each wine was. In conjunction with this he was wearing a peaked cap that read ‘bloody seagulls’ and had bird poo stains on it. A daring ensemble of satirical mock fashion stains.

• My good pals, Sydney psychedelic folksters Richard In Your Mind have won Triple J’s Unearthed for NSW. They got to play at the Sydney Big Day out and appeared on JTV last Saturday morning! Congratulations to them. Check out their biscuits at:

• Our house home brew is going splendidly. After experimenting with various flavours, Coopers Draught is the perennial favourite, although the Ginger Beer was a smash hit. Heaps of after taste and a slight ginger burn on the way down.