LapTopping – 50 – “Folk Shui”
LapTopping – The Bit Long, Official Ezine Thing of The Bedroom Philosopher
Tuesday April 11th 2006
Estimated Reading Time: 10:24
**RENEGADES OF FOLK @ The Melbourne International Comedy Festival. April 13 – May 7**
Happy Birthday Claire Danes 27 tomorrow!
Happy Birthday Shannen Doherty 35 tomorrow!
Happy Birthday David Letterman 59 tomorrpw!
LAPTOPPING GOLDEN JUBILEE EXTRAVAGANZA WHIRLPOOL
Fifty Issues. *Justin breakdances enthusiastically in a pirate suit then ‘walks the plank’ to casualty ward*
TEN SONG LYRICS THAT AREN’T REALLY TRYING VERY HARD
“I love my shirt, I love my shirt,
In fact I love my wardrobe.
I love my shirt, I love my shirt,
My shirt is so comfortably lovely.”
I Love My Shirt – Donovan
“I’m in a high school baby, yum yum
I’m in a high school baby, yum yum
I’m in a high school baby, yum yum”
High School, Yum Yum – The Donnas
“I got a backyard
With nothing in it
Except a stick
And a box with something in it.”
The Hardest Button To Button – White Stripes
“I’ve been missing you I really should be kissing you.
Honey to the Bee that’s you for me.”
Honey To The Bee – Billie
(The website stated ‘Billie Piper lyrics provided for educational purposes and personal use only.)
“Hamagangur, Ég Þusti Niður Að Læknum, Bjargvættur.
Ég Gerði Skip Tilbúið Og Fór Með Litla Bæn Því Ég Var Hræddur.”
Flugufrelsarinn – Sigur Ros
(I’m not being racist, they make up their own language)
“Face to face, out in the heat
Hangin’ tough, stayin’ hungry
They stack the odds ’til we take to the street
For we kill with the skill to survive.”
Eye Of The Tiger – Survivor
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no there’s no limit!
Ow! Hey yay yeah hey hey!
Now, now, hey yeah yeh hey hey! Hoo!”
No Limits – 2 Unlimited
“If you need some lower level
I’ll be your elevator
If you want a sure glide
And if you need some time I got forever
I got you stuff ain’t that enough?”
Apple Eyes – Swoop
“All of the king’s horses and all of the king’s men couldn’t put my heart back together again.”
The Humpty Dumpty Love Song – Travis.
“1, 2, 3, 4, 5, let’s go for a drive
6, 7, 8, 9, 10, ooh ooh
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, let’s go for a drive
6, 7, 8, 9, 10, let’s go there and back again
Driving Rain – Paul McCartney
JOIN ‘TEAM RENEGADES’ AND TURN FLYERS INTO SHOW CREDITS!
Ahem – yes, okay, it’s starting to sound like an ad for online gaming, but it’s legit and fully certified! If you’d like to spend an hour or so handing out Renegades of Folk promotional handbills that have been ever so beautifully designed by the brilliant Tammy Nicholson, outside Melbourne Town Hall, you can score yourself a complimentary ticket to the show and an authentic badge. Wow squared!
Simply reply to this email with your name, phone number and a rough idea of a date you would like to flyer, and when you’d like to see the show. Flyering can occur Tue-Sun between 6 – 9pm during the festival, April 13 – May 7.
A WORD PAINTS 1/1000 OF A PICTURE
“Never work with children or animals, unless you’re a vet or a primary school teacher.”
– Kerry The Metaphysical Drummer.
LAPTOPPING INANIMATE OBJECT BEREAVEMENTS NOTICES
From Jen Jewel-Brown, of Melbourne.
My refrigerator has gone to Refrigerator Heaven, a place made famous by renown metaphysicist Alice Cooper. I velcro’d (is velcro a verb?) shut her freezer cabinet one last time before she cried URA!-URA!-URA!-BUGETTY-BUGGETY-NGA-NGA-GOOOOOOOOON! A foul and noxious greenhouse gas filth (freeon?) spewed into the kitchen, engulfing my collection of 72 single pieces of crust still in the bread packet wrapper bags. I turned on the exhaust fan and ran. Good news is for $200 or less I can purchase a recycled, regassed & retarted-up one from the Phoenix Fridge Project at the Brotherhood of St Lawrence in Barkly St, Brunwick. Oh happy joy. My precious crust collection is safe.
WE PRAY FOR THEIR RECALIBRATION
Do you have an inanimate object that is ailing or has passed on? Let the
LapTopping community ease your suffering by emailing Bev:
HAP HAP HAP HAP HAP HAP HAPPY!(TM)
(said quickly…..high affectation on last happy)
In this age of treason we get by with a little yelp from our friends.
From the perkily complacent Cheyne, of Launceston.
My name’s Cheyne and this is my top 5 things to do when I’m bored
!. Hide some treasure where someone nice will find it.
@. Adopt an endangered animal. (mine’s an orangutan)
#. Make an icy pole using fizzy drink a plastic cup and a tea spoon!
$. Invent a new sport. (Latest is Urban Tennolf)
%. Get all your friends together and record yourselves improvising a puppet show.
LapTopping accepts little responsibility for any nonplussment, disappointment, rejection or apathy experienced during a HAP HAP HAP HAP HAP HAP HAPPY!(TM) endorsed activity. Submit your 5 point plan to the chortle portal.
(email Bev at firstname.lastname@example.org with 5 things that make you
Happy. Or a top 5 of any kind, except lime.)
GET A WRIGGLE ON GOOGLET!
Ten phrases people have actually typed into Google to land on my website lately:
“how to animate rain”
“tammy the uni student”
“daryl braithwaite gay”
“bedroom philosopher and cut throats” (3 people. Pardon?)
“melissa tkautz website”
“denim laws in australia”
“centrelink how to fill out the forms”
“coming out bi bed sleepover kissing depressed”
A GIGGLE OF GIGS (Melbourne)
• The Bedroom Philosopher & Josh Earl in ‘The Renegades of Folk are The Renegades of Folk’ @ The Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Thursday April 13 – Sunday May 7. Tue-Sun. (No shows Mondays OR Anzac Day) Duckboard House – 91 Flinders Lane, Melbourne. $18.50/$15.50. 7:15pm. (6:15pm Sundays)
Bookings at: http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/season/2006/show.php?id=283
• Laughapoolooza is back. The musical comedy gala rollickment. Featuring acts such as myself, Josh Earl, Renegades of Folk, Tripod, Scardies, GUD, Tim Minchin, Eddie Perfect and Captain ‘others.’ WARNING: (captain others is not a new act, simple the Bedroom Philosopher’s way of presenting the other acts that may or not appear in a novel manner) Umbrella Revolution. Flinders Square. Tuesday and Friday nights from 11pm. $25/$20. (check www.laughingstock.com.au to check who’s on on the day)
• Sunday April 16. Supporting Scod Edgar (Tripod) & The Universe @ The Artery. Moor Street, Fitzroy. (Behind the Labour in Vain) $6. 3pm.
• Monday April 17th. Appearing at Local Laughs, The Local, Cnr Carlisle & Chapel Streets, Balaclava. $7. Night starts 8:30pm. Me around 10pm? MC Yianni, Tommy Dassalo + more.
• Monday April 24th. Renegades of Folk appearing at Local Laughs, as above. MC Fox K, also Andy McClelland, Vanessa Bennett + others.
• Friday May 12th. Appearing with Destroy The Boy, Diamond Dolls & Talkshow Boy @ Popshop Eurotrash. 18 Corrs Lane, Chinatown, Melbourne.
STORYTIME (Brought to you by the Boobook Owl)
‘TEAM RENEGADE’ THE OFFICAL R.O.F. FANCLUB NEWSLETTER. Issue 12
G’day Folksters! Well it’s been a busy time for the boys as they prepare for their first Melbourne Comedy Festival show. The Bedroom Philosopher told us he’d been feeling ill from eating too many press releases. (The Renegades had them embossed onto chocolate for extra publicity!) While Josh Earl has been going to sleep every night with a harmonica in his mouth just to get in training for the gruelling three week season. They are excited about the show but apparently the Bedroom Philosopher had a nightmare where the show started fifty minutes late, everything was falling off stage, and there was only one guy, his dad, who he’d never met, in the audience, heckling them until they were all on stage hugging and crying. (He’s been having this dream since he was seven.) In a “Team Renegade” exclusive, Josh promised us that the show is brilliant and says if you Google ‘hilarious’ you’ll find a picture of the Renegades. (we tried but it didn’t work.) So make sure you get along and support the boys! There’s a special offer for ‘Team Renegade’ members, if you buy a ticket to the show and mention the codeword ‘GOLDEN WANG’ you should get a giggle out of the ticket girl!
RENEGADES OF FOLK FUN FACTS:
Did you know?
* Some of Josh’s favourite things are ice cream, reading NME and kissing!
• The Bedroom Philosopher hasn’t had a stable relationship for three years and he can’t stand rockmelon!
• The Renegades are good friends with The Dandy Warhols, Beck, Radiohead, Clap Hands And Say Yeah and Belle & Sebastian. (On Myspace!)
• When Josh was little he wanted to either be a policeman or a cavewoman!
• Apparently, if you play the Renegades’ version of ‘Frontier Psychiatrist’ backwards, it just sounds shit!
• The Bedroom Philosopher and Josh Earl have been best friends since high school and last worked together for the Parklands High School talent quest in grade nine. They won the audience prize with a parody of Gangsta’s Paradise called ‘Parklands Paradise.’ They were beaten by two girls doing a dance routine to ‘Cotton Eye Joe’ They were beaten up by some grade ten boys as well. They are still waiting for their mars bar! And revenge!
TEAM RENEGADE MAILBAG!
Dear Renegades of Folk,
Youse are the best band in the world. Also I like coldplay. I wish I could see you play but I live in Toowoomba. Also I’m blind. Do you read all your letters or do you have people to help you like santa claws? My sister and I love glcok rockin beats and we tried to download it but there was heaps of porn. Anyway, gotta go. Love you so much.
Percy Carter, aged 93.
Dear Renegades of Folk,
Yeah, more like the renegays of folk. You guys are the worst abomination on the music scene since Bea Arthur did that spoken word album with Tokyo Ghetto Pussy. Hey Josh, The Presets want their look back, and Philosopher, Graham Garden was so twenty years ago.
Percy Carter, aged 93.
TEAM RENEGADE COMPETITIONS!
Can you think of a good idea for a competition? Send in your entries via www.myspace.com/therenegadesoffolk and the best entry will become the competition in next month’s issue.
Ask the RENEGADES
Q. From Anna Plimpton, Collingwood.
“Hi guys, I’ve had a band for about a year and we’ve just recorded our album but I don’t know much about the business side of things and promotion and all that and I was wondering if you guys had any tips. Cheers.
A. Hey there Anna. Well, there’s no precise ‘set of rules’ in the music industry, and often it can just be about being in the right place at the right time. It’s good to do whatever you can to stand out and be original. For example, we dressed as a pantomime donkey and walked into Shock records carrying a basket of albums around our neck. It was actually just the factory part where they distribute DVD’s, and the cleaner told us to get out, but at least we created some ‘buzz.’ Good luck!
That’s all folks! See you at the Melbourne Comedy Festival, and keep folkin!.
Visit www.myspace.com/renegadesoffolk to hear the Renegades version of ‘Frontier Psychiatrist.’
GOT A COMMENT ON LAPTOPPING?
Go to www.bedroomphilosopher.com and say things with words!
LAYTOPING IS MISPELLED, AND FREE! WHAT A GREAT GIFT IDEA, AND IT’LL CUT YOUR ENERGY BILLS IN HALF! SEND IT TO A FRIEND!
To be added to this Ezine check out www.bedroomphilosopher.com and go to the LapTopping page. You will be asked for your name, email, and the last time you cried.
Last time someone cried: Steph – “when my lego trolley collapsed in the middle of aisle 4, and the singular nut rolled under the shelf. ‘Twas too dark to see what else was about, so hands had to fumble around in the dust and rubbish. The only proper item one could find was a tin of roma tomatos. My nut is forever gone. This makes me terribly upset….”
Back issues of LapTopping can be witnessed and commented on at www.bedroomphilosopher.com
To be removed from this Ezine send an email to Bev in Admin at:
email@example.com with the subject line “Clarity starts at home”
Don’t worry what other people think about you, because everyone’s too worried about themselves to be ever looking at you THAT closely. You are an infinite rainbow spacebag of cosmic yay-yay. Life is short. Get a wriggle on Pooglet!
when im bored
i play air golf
its just like real golf, only you have no club, no ball, and every hit ends up being a hole in one
Right. How is the autism going?