Justin’s Annual Report 2003/04 (2004)
JUSTIN’S ANNUAL REPORT
Newstart Allowance: $8429
The Bedroom Philosopher: $4009
Centre For Adult Education: $1101
Pinnacle Hospitality Agency: $236
TAX DEDUCTIBLE STUFF
Centre For Adult Education: $40
The Bedroom Philosopher : $1293 (I even claimed my pyjamas and doona cover this year)
RESULT: Tax debt of $420
Money in wallet: $85
Money in Bank: $150
Rent $310 a month
Food $70 fortnight.
Pre-paid mobile: $15 a call.
Nan And Pop Records: $500 (the account has been frozen, and turned in a HECS style, ‘you can pay us the rest when you make it big)
Joanna Mullins: $100 (We thought we’d ‘found’ a bag of spare money at the Kitten Club, where I did my comedy show, and subsequently loaded up on cocktails on the final night. Turns out that money was the club’s spare float. 6 months on and I still have to pay off the bar tab.)
Josh Earl: $40. (for belle and Sebastian ticket)
Tammy Nicholson: $60 (for a Supergrass ticket)
Chris Macdonald: $630 (money we lost on the Comedy Festival Show.)
Credit Card: Sitting comfortably on $1505
Interest paid per month: $24
Proposed date of first HECS repayment: 13/8/2055
$470 a fortnight. When I work my 2 shifts a week.
INCOME AFTER ATTEMPTING TO PAY EVERYONE BACK AND RENT AND FOOD
Kelly the guitar: $1400 (she’s lost $300 from all the times I’ve dropped her this year. But I think the blood stains should add value)
Computer, Pentium 2: $150
Laptop from 1994: $80
CD player: $40
Sony Recording Walkman that sometimes works and always chews tapes: $30
Best of the Wombles record: $15000
Sesame Street Fever record: $280000
Collection of vintage suits and ties: $57900000
Alf doll: $800000000000000
One contact lens: $110
Single bed sheets on a queen sized mattress
Smokes: Champion Ruby (great name for a child)
Broody people in the front row of my gigs
Smoking will kill you. We do not want that.
I demand you quit smoking, then put a section in this site with tabs and lyrics for the public.Now. Right fucking now. Please.
May the Bollocks be with you, I hate those adds on TV for shitty ring tones, and vote labor.
From your ol’ pally, April.
My little sister has an alf doll! We’ve had it for yonks! My most treasured assets are probably..my wooden folio w/13 notebooks, my bag of (my) babyteeth..though thats not really an asset.., um, my Snoopy backpack which I’ve had since kinder, and my signed Bedroom Philosopher album. Oh, and my little doll with painted glasses (liquid eyeliner ^^) Yay!
With sprinkles, Hannah.
My aunty has an alf doll! (REMEMBER ALF!). I have an EC doll, which is covered in childish stains such as cordial and drool spots.
Haha, much like your pillow, ay Em =P
*skips to the Hamptons*
Do you think Justin gets tired of seeing our muchos silly scribbles on his pretty aquamarine/turquoise page? Maybe we should buy him some investment-Pringles!!WoaH! check out the product plaaa-cemeeent! Haha, placemat.
Alf’s back..in pog form!!
Alternate: YOUR MUM’s back in pog form
We should make an action figure of ‘your mum!’
Haha!! That’d be hard…who’s mum would we base it on? Prolly your mum.
Midnight Oil of Olay!!!!!!
We’ll make her have a cape! Nah, it can be Angus’s mum.
I was gonna say that! But I thought it might not have been fair on Justin, or anyone else who doesn’t know the Angus’ mum joke..
We can also make a ‘deadbeat dad!’
haha! Na, South Park did that.
But she said, “Don’t forget,
Everybody must give something back
For something they get.”
I stood there and hummed,
I tapped on her drum and asked her how come.
And she buttoned her boot,
And straightened her suit,
Then she said, “Don’t get cute.”
So I forced my hands in my pockets
And felt with my thumbs,
And gallantly handed her
My very last piece of gum.
Oh yeah, good point. I apoligize to everyone out there, insider jokes aren’t fun unless your included.
I still think it’s a good idea though.
Your mum thinks its a good idea.
She’s got blindingly white shorts and really bright white boots *sings*
“I am Jack’s colon”. “I get cancer, I kill Jack”.
Your mums fat!
You’re all ill!