Ahoy joymints! There’s been a lot of demand for the Hottest 100 acoustic megamix. Good. We’re currently in negotiation with the station and an MP3 will be appearing on JJJ and/or this website soon.

NEWS (brought to you Frazer Follix’s Personality Beam! Every been sitting next to a stranger at the bus-stop wishing you could insert the personality of a close friend into them and have a decent chat? Now you can. The personality beam stores the DNA make-up of up to three friends. Simply point and shoot, and you will have up to 15 minutes of a familiar persona to talk to, in a strangers body! Now your unconventional sense of humour being appreciated is only a beam away!)

• I beat a Beck song in the hottest 100. I came #72 while ‘Que Onda Guero’ came #75. So I am going to make the statement that I’m bigger than Beck. As they say in football, ‘look at the scoreboard.’ At least now I will have something constructive to say when I meet my idol. ‘Hi. I beat you in the world’s largest music poll. Can I have an autograph?’

• Shane Porteous, the actor who played Dr Terence Elliot in long-running Australian medical drama ‘A Country Practice,’ who features in the last line of “I’m So Post Modern,’ emailed me. Firstly, his neighbour contacted me, letting me know that he knew about the song and that I should contact him. I made contact and he replied, saying his kids loved the song but he hadn’t actually heard it yet. I then informed him about the film clip, and whether he’d like to somehow be in it. He said he wasn’t looking ‘for exposure at this stage of his life.’ But agreed to send me a genuine signed fancard. He currently writes for television and is a very cool and nice man. He said he still didn’t really get the smock reference, but didn’t want to get all deconstructionlist about it.

• The I’m So Post Modern film clip has been completed, turned into digi-beta and handed to the ABC in a brown paper bag. It was animated on Mac program Final-cut pro by Ronnie John’s Half Hour’s Dan Ilic. It is a visual and mental karaoke retina puzzle of wonderment. Thankyou humbly to everyone who sent in pictures. Unfortunately not everything could get in, and some things will get in but only be flashed up for a split second. I’ll be emailing everyone individually very soon, just to let you know.

• Film clip shout-outs should go to Frances Lech, Claire Nielsen, Sarah, B.J. and Arden from Adelaide who spent an entire day coming up with about 90 pictures, including accurate representations of the ‘alphabet soup, adolf diggler, art exhibition, santa, vegemite and sleeping bag’ lines. David Blumenstein who rendered an artfully surreal ‘wingdings’ picture, and Tai Snaith who nailed the ‘tattoo of my pin number’ guide-dog and ‘tent tied to a tram.’ Also Lauren who did an intriguing vector rendition of ‘santa in August.’

• My time in ‘The Muggy Cockroach’ (if Sydney was an old style english pub) is coming to an end. I am planning to return permanently to ‘The Tram and Stencil’ (have a guess) March 1st.

• LapTopping subscriber Liv Foley, from Tasmania has written a damning letter:
“I wish to report a fault in recent LapTopping. Being a long subscriber to Laptopping it has come to my recent attention that the “Warnings” at the bottom of each Laptopping have started to repeat themselves. Now, being the witty comic genius you are, I expected better than such. Also its spelt Gandalf not Gandolf.”

In reply, I say, that like some metaphorical panties hidden deep in my sock drawer, the LapTopping disclaimers have for a long time been my secret shame. More often than not, when I get to the end of carving out the fortified text flannel banquet of this e-zine, I am so weary and grass-stained that my delicate head cannot bear the conquest of another seemingly carefree word. I thought I could sort of rotate them and wait for someone to notice. But this is no longer acceptable, and I stand before you, Team Pooglet, with arms outstretched awaiting the lashings of your pure white fury. Etc. Subsequently, the disclaimers are going to be taking a little holiday while Kerry T.M.D. tries to order some new parts from underwater Hong Kong.