Play the new game:
How to play:
A) Work out your rock star name. FIRST NAME: This is your nan or pop’s first name hyphenated with your SECOND pet’s name. SURNAME: Your second ever street name. For example, my Pop’s name is Leonard. My second ever pet was a cat called Snowy. My second ever street name was Totterdell. Therefore, my rock star name is Leonard-Snowy Totterdell.
(NOTE: If you’ve only ever had one pet, or street name, take that. If you’ve never had a pet or street, contact administration for further counselling)
B) Work out your band name. To do this, you need to find an anagram of your full name (middle name too). The best way to do this is to download BLACKDOG’S ANAGRAM GENERATOR here:
(You may have to download a little runtime program for it to work, it may take about five minutes)
Once you have it running. Type in your full name and hit ‘anagram now’ pick the one that you like best. For example, Justin Marcus Heazlewood becomes:
SIMULTANEOUS CHOW DAZE JR.
C) Work out the title of your hit single. This must come from a sentence in the last text message you received. It can be a word, fragment, or the whole sentence. For example, the last text I received was from Tom Doig, and I have taken “Come play on Thursday.”
Send in your entries in this format.
Name: Justin Marcus Heazlewood
Rock star name: Leonard-Snowy Totterdell.
Band name: Simultaneous Chow Daze Jr.
Hit Single: “Come play on Thursday.”
Leave your entries in the ‘Comments’ section at the end of this News brief!
NEWS (brought to you by ‘Optimus Prime’s’ stunning new acid jazz album ‘Fold me into a truck, milady.’ Even the most decepticonic of critics are raving. Let this challenging collection of saxophone and vocoder anthems ‘transform’ you.)
• I’ll be returning to Melbourne for three days on the 17th. Then off to Tasmania for a week on the 20th. Then I’ll be playing at the Tasmanian Falls Festival, before returning to Sydney for at least a couple of weeks.
• The Ronnie Johns Half Hour is resting, after having six episodes aired. The Christmas episode, of which I wrote the ‘photocopier whisperer’ sketch, will be repeated on Christmas day – and then the rest of the series will follow – I think. The show has rated well – moving up to 500, 000 viewers for the last episode. There’s no news of a second series, as yet. We are, however, talking seriously about contacting an acting agency for TV monkeys.
* After two attempts, I have retired as ‘warm-up guy’ for the Ronnie Johns live nights. My second stint began spiritedly, but soon dissolved into a fringe stroking confidence implosion – involving me hiding behind one of the television monitors and trying to disappear like Cat Power does at her gigs. My own personal ‘jumping the shark’ moment was when I’d abandoned any sense of ‘sport’ to determine which audience members ended up with items from the box of merchandise I had, and was just handing/hurling out Channel Ten pens and X-Factor CD wallets. At one point, after sending a barrage of objects into an unlit section of the audience, I hit a woman square in the face with an Australian Idol hardcover notebook and pen set. To make up for the blunder, I ensured she was renumerated with a CD-wallet, glowstick and a large quantity of pens. I’m thinking I would have been a good warm-up guy for a show like ‘Party of Five.’
• I received this poem from a fan called ‘James’:
If you’re depressed:
your really good
If cos your famous your now stuck up:
* I attended the Triple J Christmas party in Sydney recently. My first conversation with anyone went like this:
Me: Do you know who won the J-award?
Me: Damn, I really wanted Claire Bowditch to win. So what’s the J-award for, best album or best band?
Guy: Best album I think.
Me: Right. So have you heard the Wolfmother album?
Guy: Yeah. I’m in Wolfmother, so I’ve heard it quite a lot.
* ‘I’m So Postmodern’ will be in the Triple J Hottest 100 list again this year! Last year the song made it to #180 with only two months of being played – it’s been requested heavily this year and a similar campaign will be launched to vote in next LapTopping in early January. Voting begins January 1.
* I’ve written a couple of new songs lately. ‘Blue Chords’ is about lay-bying a pair of blue cords from Revolver. ‘Tessa the Hairdresser’ was kinda abandoned after an enthusiastic first verse and chorus. As was my prototype Christmas anthem ‘The whole world’s f*ucked’ written at six in the morning after a bender at the Town Hall Hotel. While in ‘Circus Bear,’ I’m going for the world record for saddest comedy song ever written. The ‘memory from the 80’s and early 90’s song’ that many of you contributed has reached its first draft stage! Next issue I shall splash it out and see what you think.
* Recommended website – www.one.org. You can save the world Pooglet. After this, you can have a giggle at: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29830 – tip-off courtesy of Leigh Rigozzi.
Name: Sinead Kathleen McKeough
Rockstar name: Jack-Bitsy Alfred
Band name: Naked lighthouse cake men
First single: My Elephant Called Tom-Gregory
Some of the anagrams were hilarious. I just chose the first good one, but I couldn’t help going through and checking out some more. Other good suggestions for my band name were:
Naked chalk meetinghouse
Methadone knuckle geisha
Huge adolescent khaki men
Huge naked mackintosh eel
Huge naked chameleon skit
Name: Sarah Rose Turk
Rock Star Name: Mildred Chiggy King
Band Name: Sour Shaker Art
Hit Single: Welcome to Sunny Adelaide
Name: Jessie Kate Brown
Rockstar Name: Sandra-Deisel 12
Band Name: “Java Don’t work”
Hit single: “Whatever”
Java doesnt work on my computer, enter me anyway!! As for the text message thingy, you know fat cat and friends? well im fat cat no friends.
I think you should write a huge naked chameleon skit for ronnie johns. That’s fame.
Name: Natalie “Lecca” Juhasz
Rockstar Name: Sadie-Atticus Banoon
Band: Ejaculate Clash Nazi
Hit single: Wido, Feel like calling me at work?
… My friends call me odd things. Wido is just one of them.
go on then kick me in the jugglies
Thankyou James for your Christmas message. However, I must concur:
A) It’s janglies.
isn’t concur agree? we grammar nerds don’t have lives, we check spelling on random websites at christmas.
it turns out i am edna-hoochie mcgregor. my band ‘artisan wank kit’ have just released our roaring hit single ‘mugged at gunpoint’. get it at all good record stores NOW! not tomorrow. because i will hurt you.
ps- outrageous! your’re doing falls!
pps- delicious! i just caught the ronnie johns christmas special!
Name: Timothy James Wilson
Rockstar Name: Ian-Darcy Railway
Band Name: Testimony Howl A Jism
Hit Single: Dive On!
Name: Augusta Burden Lindqiust
Rockstar Name: Marie-Billy Fergusson
Band Name: Bulgarian Squid Stud Tune
Hit Single: We are always together! Is that ok?
Hey! So its been a while, and I’ve only recently discovered you again – remeber me? Nigel’s big sister.
I also notice KFC is remarkable absent from your bio… reasons?? wasn’t all that bad was it?
Anyway, decided I’d play your game –
Name: Karena Jane Burke
Rockstar Name: Winifred-Leo Garner
Band Name: Juke Arena Ken Bra
Hit Single: Its a bit of a blur so I must of had fun…
I hear you had a great crowd at Falls, congrats – keep it up, I’m converted, along with many others who’ve jumped on with me!
Hey Justin, I watched your act at The Falls Festival, and immediately went and found you to purchase your C.D. I was with the character that had you sign a receipt of a ‘K.F.C Sweet-Chilli Twister Combo’ upsized nonetheless! I won’t be surprised if you don’t remember though, as it was amidst the Scottish folk asking you to ‘sign their tips.’ I’ll look forward to seeing you again. – Regards; Scott
Name: Scott Saward
Rockstar Name: John-Rosco Old-Cam
Band Name: Towards Cats
Hit Single: We’re Goin’ Beachin’
Name: Caitlin Jane Frunks
Rockstar Name: Sue-Bonnie Willagee
Band Name: Triennial Fucks Jan
Hit Single: “Don’t call me a fuckin leso slut!”
Name: Rowan Ella McKeough
Rockstar Name: Moyna-Eagle Hollett
Band Name: OK Halloween Car Mug (although it could also have been “Wok Armour Challenge”…)
Hit Single: “The podmagic team”
“Concur”, by the way, does not necessarily mean agree. It is usually used in that context but doesn’t have to be.
name: orly jane primov
rock star name: Miriam Snowy Morgan
my ’emo’ band name: Palimony over Jr
(palimony means An allowance for support made under court order and given usually by one person to his or her former lover or live-in companion after they have separated….. i had to look it up, but i think it fits)
Hit single: ‘its painful for me to be outside’
My other band name could have been
‘Joy Prevail, Mr NO’
name: alison mary horne
rock star name: molly-smallpiece alanthus
band name: manholes iron ray
hit single: prancer-licious
(although i agree that eating reindeer at christmas is wrong in many ways, it is very tasty)
Name: James Eric John Borman
Rock Star Name: Alfred-Winston Howard (Christ, I’m John Howard’s rock star brother)
Band Name: Rhinoceros Men Jab Jam
Hit Single: We just had our last delivery
Name: Victoria Jane Hodgman
Rock Star Name: Flowerpot-Gabrielle Garfield (my granma’s parents were hippies – Flowerpot!! And we laughed at Apple Martin…)
Band Name: Octahedron Vagina Jim (inspired by Octopussy/James Bond perhaps?) Hehehe
Hit Single: Sleep Well X
Name: Christie Louise Carless
Rock Star name: Marie-Gumboot Amarina
Band Name: Sisco Chartreuse Lilies
Hit Single: A bit late for you
Name: Elizabeth Cashin
Rock Star Name: Dawn-Zap Birong
Band Name: Absinthe Chi Zeal or Chinese Ah A Blitz. I suppose it depends what *type* of rock band it is 😀
Hit Single: How Goes It?
Name: Andrew Brookes Clipsham
Rock Star Name: Betty-Gypsy Wyera
Band Name: ‘Preschooler Was Bad Mink’ though we’re thinking of changing the name to ‘Responsible Mohawk Card’. It all depends on how our labels fashion designer does the hair in the morning i suppose.
Hit Single: Have 2 Take A Rain Check
Name: Max Eric Easton
Rock Star Name: Dick-Deefa Champion
Band: “Increase Atom X”
Hit Single: “I Put Barbie’s Hair on Buzz and Magic Was Made”
That was excruciating Australia Day fun!
Name: Sally Ann Golder
Rock Star Name: Wilma-Blackie Point
Band: Dragon Ally Lens
Hit Single: “I’m Gonna Message Her”
Congrats on making the Triple J Hottest 100!
Name: Izaak Samuel Brown
Rock Star name: Ian-Goldern Central
Band Title: A MARKABLE UZI SOWN
Hit Single: Any time Trailer Available
Name: Morgan Vaudrey
Rock Star Name: Dido-Murphy Nelson
Band Title: A DAG ENVY RUMOUR
Hit Single: That Would Be Good For Our Cars
name-candice hope gallimore
Band name- Necrophilia Caged Mole
Hit Single- so hang around meet you at the front of big w
Name: Betty-Kirby Marisa
Band: Brainwash Dreameer
Hit Single: I’ve been a bitch
Name: June-Violet Wirau
Band: Evildoer zebra saga
Hit single: What time do I pick you up from the station?