(Brought to you by Dr Yipp’s Cocktail Crunch Bars. Try new Vermouth and Yoghurt!’ )

• For a couple of weeks in February I was the face of Duo condoms. I was sitting on Brunswick Street and was vox popped by a Channel V girl who asked me what songs I used to get a lady ‘in the mood.’ I said popcorn and Orinocho Flow, by Enya. Allegedly, it soon appeared on Channel V as a vox poppy style ad for the condom brand. I briefly considered writing a letter saying my image had been used without permission and it would alienate my Catholic fanbase, to try and scam some money. But didn’t.

• The Bedroom Philosopher celebrated the minor milestone of hitting double figures for the amount of ‘interpretive dances done during a gig because he wasn’t sure what else to do.’ It happened at Mayfields, in Collingwood, because he’d forgotten a lyric to one of his songs.

• One of my favourite satirical newspapers ‘The Chaser’ has now ceased, due to low subscriber rates. I used to read it during uni, but must admit, had to take a break because the level of intelligence in the satire gave me headaches.

• I got a new haircut. The fringe was left relatively untouched, but there’s a lot of length in the back as well. I’ll need to consult some medical books to see if it can still be classed as a ‘frullet.’ (Front mullet) It was cut by a student, under the nonchalant eye of her teacher. She had not heard of the term frullet before and was despondently bemused. I was not sure about it at first, but have allowed for a two week grace period, and have now upgraded my opinion to ‘pretty sure.’

• I emailed Richard Kingsmill to try and find out what number I came in the hottest 100, but he has not replied so far.

• My flatmate burned me Beck’s new album ‘Guero’ (a leaked version that is rumoured to be not finished yet) I stared at it for 14 hours before deciding I felt dirty and weird and couldn’t play it. Several days later I came home drunk on wine and caved in. I was smoking out my window, heart racing, praying for it to be mindbogglingly good. There were times when I was sort of bopping on my bed and saying things like ‘yeah, beck…yeah.’ As if he were in the room. An interpretive review may come next issue.

* I just did a CD swap with the Eels. Sort of. I have one fan in America who heard Triple J over the net, and we worked out the easiest way for him to pay for my album would be to send me a CD I don’t have. I feel exceedingly happy.