The Bedroom Philosopher

Appearing in Cabaret tent 29th & 30th @ 8pm (solo)….

The wait is over! Brown & Orange is out now. Request it in shops. There’s 14 new songs plus a 16-page deluxe colour booklet to enjoy!

Download Justin’s new radio show ‘Lime Champions’ here

NEWS

(Brought to you by Crankie, the fashion magazine for stylish twenty-somethings who hate everything.)

♥ Brown and Orange will be released Feb 7 through MGM. They’ve offered to press up a number of albums so I think we can call that a record deal motherfathers!

♥ Party In My Head is the next single to be released so keep an ear out for it through Jan/Feb. Wow Wow has been banned from Triple J’s Hottest 100 for Visa issues. In a statement from his rock …

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LapTopping – The Bit Long, Official E-zine of The Bedroom Philosopher
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ISSUE 68
Sunday December 28, 2008.
Estimated Reading Time: 9:53

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LT BIRTHDAYS

Happy Birthday Patrick Rafter 36 today!
Happy Birthday Jude Law 36 tomorrow!
Happy Birthday Ted Danson 61 tomorrow!
Happy Birthday Marianne Faithful 62 tomorrow!

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CRASSIFIDES

DIDN’T GET THE BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER A CHRISTMAS GIFT?
Now you can! He doesn’t want much. Just for you to vote for The Happiest Boy video in this online competition. It’s a gift that keeps giving because you stand the chance to win a Playstation 3 just by voting! Yaytron 3000!
http://www.iinet.net.au/getanimated/
Go to the ‘Vote Now’ bit.
Locate ‘The Happiest Boy’ in the ‘Complete List’ bit….

I was speaking to a friend who’d gone to see U2 on their ‘Pop Mart’ tour. She felt mixed emotions of loving the gig, but feeling oddly underwhelmed at the sight of “just four blokes up on stage.” For her, the juxtaposition of antlike men representing the mythological superstars of her childhood was, to be precise, ‘smaller than life.’ The experience of U2’s music, a pollination of studio perfection with her own imagination was now a crude reconstruction where freaks shrieked over stampeding frequencies and Bono sipped water between songs like some guy at the bus stop.

When I was thirteen I woke up on Christmas morning to feel the tantalising weight of a pillowcase full of goodies on my …

(This piece first appeared as a writing exercise on the above question in Frankie magazine.)

For me this question needs to be answered in two parts. I first became aware I was an adult at age twelve, and then again at twenty seven.

1992

The first moment was on a grey Sunday at Nan and Pop’s place holding Mum’s arms back to stop her from attacking Nan. She had reached the tip of the iceberg of her mental illness, and it was this moment that I was able to put a childhood’s worth of hyper awareness to use and intercept her anger. I was extremely adept at reading my Mother’s behaviour, and would know within heartbeats when she was becoming …

(This first appeared as a writing exercise answering the above question in Frankie magazine.)

In 2000 I stood before a packed dining room, faces glistening in the candle light. I was MCing the graduation dinner of a youth organisation I volunteered for. As always, I was seen as the lovable comedian, set to dazzle with my wit and silliness. This time things were different. I was down and out. Starring in a sexually explicit play at uni and losing control of my will had crashed me through the barriers into depression and self-doubt. Getting out of the house was a stretch, and suddenly I had to be funny.

Organising and conducting the dinner was the final stage in our leadership …

Are you the one book-ended at the head of your birthday table quietly contemplating the perpetual horror of ‘another year?’ Have you ever caught yourself cornering friends and barking the words ‘I can’t believe I’m age already – I’m old!’ Gosh – surely you don’t need the fact that a magazine column has just summed you up to tell you that you’re getting perilously predictable. It’s time to throw those out-dated age prejudices aside and think free-form about your future. From the creators of your invincible 20’s comes a time period often dismissed by trend-critics as dowdy and disillusioned. Wake up creative Australia, it’s time to embrace the emotional and artistic second honeymoon of your 30’s and beyond. Damn it, …

When I was fifteen I recorded my first album of songs. This was done in my bedroom, on a little cassette walkman with a stereo microphone blu-takked to the indoor clothesline. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I aimed to nail each track in one take, but I’d usually stuff up somewhere along the line and have to rewind back to the start. I tried ‘dropping in’ halfway through a song, but it left me with more pops and clicks than a retirement home. Naturally, the recording’s were no-fi and dusted with tape hiss, but they captured the essence of the songs, and the whole process prepared me for many of the factors a musician in the studio can …

(This piece appeared as part of a writing exercise on the above topic in Frankie magazine.)

I decided to rid the earth of religion. The exact process was mysterious, involved a lot of forms and tickled a bit. I was led into a secret basement beneath Frankie HQ with multicoloured moss, posters of bands from 2034 and the faint smell of caramel popcorn. I was put through a ‘thought sorter’ which was like a personal Gravitron where I could see my mindscapes like fireworks. Some guys in hoodies came and stamped something onto my leg with a fluro typewriter. I was sat down at a desk and given a pen by a beautiful archangel in a petticoat. She had ruby …

Australian’s please let us rejoin,
For it is one degree.
With oldies loyal and health in turmoil
Our shops are shut by three.
Our land is ground into nature’s chips
Forestry’s stripped us bare
It’s a mystery gays were allowed to stay
Advance Tasmania where?
With employment strained the young jump ship
Advance Tasmania where?

In the high school of Australia, Tasmania lurks down by the bins, watching beautiful Melbourne and Sydney laugh and frolic, hoping that even the weird kid Adelaide will sit next to it at lunchtime. As a Tasmanian, you can’t help but be aware of your lot in the geographical playground, as the cruel jibes and patronising remarks ring in your ears. I’ve been on the …

Ever had the feeling that someone, somewhere is having a much better life than you? Ever trawled through a magazine, much like this fine one, and taken the whole thing personally? E Gad! Look at these hotter, wiser, better dressed, more experienced young things. Ever stared at that touchy cutesy couple at the gig and assumed they must have regular, effortless, mind blowing sex while listening to a cutting edge compilation of bands you’ve never even heard of? Well…you’re a bit weird.

Or perfectly normal and wonderful. Probably the latter. It’s a common phenomena I like to call “the jeans are always blacker on the other side of the stage.” It stems from our own insecurities that we are somehow …

I was first diagnosed with depression when I was sixteen. Clumsily, by a doctor who may as well have been doing a sudoku during the consultation. I went in to complain about not sleeping, which I had already self-diagnosed was caused by the medical anomalies of thinking too much and having complex sexual fantasies set in the speech & drama costume room. Next thing I know I’m being threatened with questions like “Have you ever felt sad?” and “Do you worry all the time?’ I said I had and did, but denied any suicidal thoughts. According to Super-Scientific-Checklist-Beard that was enough to be charged with depression. I slumped in the musty beige seat, pale, acne annoyed and flat-haired as Dr …

“Songs From The 86 Tram” @ The European Bier Cafe. April 2-26th….

Coolart Wetlands, Mornington Peninsula. (With Band)…

Two sets, solo and band. W/ The Suitcase Royale. $10….