• Pooglet is here! The I’m So Post Modern filmclip is finally up! You can see it at the Pooglet section of my website. The resolution is not perfect but should suffice. Again, thanks to everyone who submitted pictures, and please understand that I couldn’t use all of them, and that some of them do appear but only extremely briefly. I will personally email you all as soon as I can.
• Industry insiders (Nan and Pop) have labelled my debut Australian tour a ‘nice thing,’ with around 700 punters witnessing the ramshackle, prog-folk roadshow. Huge hugs and niceties to everyone who made it out. Especially in Melbourne, Canberra and Hobart where somewhat near-capacity crowds were on hand. Smithkins and Bubbles my accountance chimps are still up to their necks in receipts and banana peel trying to determine if I made any money. Early indicators are positive. A full tour diary is scheduled to be published in LapTopping #53.
• I shall be writing for the second series of The Ronnie Johns Half Hour, by correspondence, from Melbourne. It’s due to air in a few weeks, most likely on a Wednesday, around 9pm. If anyone sees Centrelink, tell them I wish them all the best and I’ll try and text them sometime to catch up for a beer.
• I recently completed some station promo clips for MTV. Their artistic director approached me after a gig in Sydney late last year with a business card written on the back of a ripped up Panadol packet. I recorded some parody’s of modern pop songs, including ‘Voodoo Cat’ which has been a recent gig favourite. Also some, at times, tenuous connections such as:
Foo Fighters – Best of You: ‘I’ve got another confession to make, I used your shampoo.
End of Fashion – Oh Yeah: “Oh no, the cat did a wee on my ipod. Oh no, I forgot my girlfriends name and called her Todd.”
Pussycat Dolls – ‘Dontcha’ – “Don’t you wish your boyfriend was depressive like me.”
One of the clips features me playing on an actual chair, on an actual tram track, while an actual tram approaches from behind. (Cue Meatloaf’s ‘and I would do anything for fame, and I would do that.’) There is also a Wolfmother ‘tribute’ that the world wasn’t aware it needed. These segments are currently popping up from time to time.
• I successfully turned 26 on the 12th of June. Thankyou to all those who gave me Internet shout-outs. You beauties! An enjoyable day was marred by the sudden death of Pooglet, and extra special gift given to me by Matt Kelly and John Miller. Pooglet was a goldfish with two enormous, unblinking googly eyes that gave it the impression of being constantly startled. Everyone who saw Pooglet spent the first ten minutes on the floor in hysterics. He was a special fish who liked looking, swimming, and trying to find food despite an inability to move his eyes. Pooglet was found mysteriously sideways in his bowl the first morning after our introduction. An autopsy was unavailable, but Pooglet was given the royal, full-flush service. There are no suspicious circumstances. (Note: A single level word-play based around the term ‘fishy’ has been omitted by our style department)
• I have identified the simplest and easiest way to permanently offend me. Last night, I heard a man say ‘yeah baby’ after I walked past him. This has been happening sporadically for the last five years, with suggestions sometimes being more direct – e.g. snaggletoothed, wonky-eyed sods pointing at me and blurting ‘Austin Powers.’ It’s not that I don’t find Austin Powers funny or an admirable comedic peer, it’s just that…well…I’m trying to have my own…look…and…it’s like this pseudo high school target complex…and…ah… everyone shut up…just SHUT UP. *kicks indoor nerf football as hard as possible and knocks over a glass of water*
• The Folkstar/I’m So Post Modern maxi-single has been completed, and limited copies are available by mail order for $15. Email your address to Bev at: firstname.lastname@example.org. Ultra thanks be to Ken Heazlewood for dedicated programming and mixing, Tammy Nicholson for stunning design, Mike Forward and Pomomofo, Hugh Reid and Tomas Ford who all completed blisteringly extra-sonic recreations of the two feature tracks. The maxi-single also contains an alternate version of Postmodern with 26 new lyrics, plus ‘Marjory’ and ‘The Song About The Puppy With The Nappy,’ two unreleased, inebriated demos recorded in Albury last year.
• The soccer.
NEWS (Brought to you by The Hat Hair Institute – offering state of the art bouffant restoration and hat removal facilities to correct men’s hair flatness problems.)