I’m about to turn 25. Yay me. A time to drink a lot of punch, swan around at my own party and try desperately not to repeat the murky anti-climax of last year’s ‘hosting my own party syndrome’ where I spent the entire evening in some damp, drunken, hyper-aware state of worrying about everyone having a good time and worrying about worrying and then not having a good time and no longer able to read whether anyone else was.
If only over-sensitivity was an Olympic event.
Five and twenty – It’s a milestone. A quarter of a century. I’m, statistically speaking, a third of the way through my life. I’m 5 years off 30. 15 years off 40, and 35 …
(Brought to you by Browny Maelstrom’s Canteen of Green. Now with three caravan’s across Australia offering freshly steamed broccoli in the convenience of a nugget )
• My debut studio album “In Bed With My Doona” has secured national distribution through MGM in conjunction with Nan and Pop Records. This means that, in theory, you can buy the album at any record store in Australia. Due to alphabetical merits it is first on MGM’s extensive list of new releases. It is also, amazingly, on the Sanity website:
www.sanity.com.au/product.asp?intProductID=619414&…
A representative of Nan and Pop records made this statement: ‘That’s very good Justin. Let’s hope you sell a few.’
• Melbourne International Comedy Festival sojourn ‘In Bed With My Doona’ was …
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LspTopping – The Official Ezine Thing of The Bedroom Philosopher
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Issue 41 – Wednesday 1st June 2005
Estimated Reading Time: 8:20
Subscribers: 776
**’In Bed With My Doona’ is now available in shops otherpluckers!** (see news section)
or buy it now here cheekily: www.sanity.com.au/product.asp?intProductID=619414&…
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LT BIRTHDAYS!
Happy Birthday Deborah Harry 60 today!
Happy Birthday Jason Donovan 37 today!
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OPENING CEREMONY, with Justin.
CURRENT STATS:
It’s: 11:34pm
I’m drinking: Cask chardonnay.
My hair Needs work.
Pimples: are popping up, little ones (stress?)
I am: defiantly night optimistic
Hello my dear, dear and welcome to another instalment of my organic digital lasertreat! I for each and every one of you and hope that you find sliver-pulses of grin-flaring, …
(Brought to you by Faggy Mathgroin’s New “Calcu-Creams” – A disposable, single use calculator wedged between layers of thick, double mint icecream’)
• I found out that “I’m So Post Modern” officially finished 180 in Triple J’s Hottest 100. As the station producer reminded me, this is a very fine result. I wish to again thank everyone who voted, especially Gemma King, who sent out a lovely group email campaign. If anyone asks, it’s now known as the ‘Hottest 200’ and I made it in easily.
* ‘In Bed With My Doona’ is now available at Red Eye Records in Sydney and the shop beginning with ‘S’ in King street, Newtown. And at the merchandise stand infront of the Town …
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LapTopping Issue 40
Tuesday 29th March 2005
Estimated Reading Time: 7:42
Subscribers: 585
**Melbourne International Comedy Festival
The Bedroom Philosopher in ‘PYJAMARAMA’**
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LAPTOPPING AT A GLANCE!
——-Opening Ceremony With Justin.
——-PYJAMARAMA Positions Vacant.
——-Inanimate Objects – Sick Travel Clock from Taryn Cornell
——-Hap-Hap-Happy Top 5 from Jen Jewel-Brown
——-Kerry’s bit.
——-Latest News & Melbourne Gigs
——-Bedroom Philosopher Gig Diary Continues. What Happened in Hobart?
Plus other bits. All this for $-80! (money I would have made working)
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OPENING CEREMONY, with Justin.
, ,
CURRENT STATS:
It’s: 10:55pm
I’m drinking: Coke
My mobile phone is: In my backpack in the costume room at Duckboard House.
My heart is: a chicken in a pillowcase.
Bank account: $13.
Rent: …
(Brought to you by Dr Yipp’s Cocktail Crunch Bars. Try new Vermouth and Yoghurt!’ )
• For a couple of weeks in February I was the face of Duo condoms. I was sitting on Brunswick Street and was vox popped by a Channel V girl who asked me what songs I used to get a lady ‘in the mood.’ I said popcorn and Orinocho Flow, by Enya. Allegedly, it soon appeared on Channel V as a vox poppy style ad for the condom brand. I briefly considered writing a letter saying my image had been used without permission and it would alienate my Catholic fanbase, to try and scam some money. But didn’t.
• The Bedroom Philosopher celebrated the minor …
R.I.P Hunter S. Thompson (1937 – 2005)
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LapTopping Issue 39
Tuesday 1st March 2005
Estimated Reading Time: 8:03 (longer if you spend time at the song workshop)
**Sydney gigs-a-gogo**
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LAPTOPPING AT A GLANCE!
——-Top 5 Funny Sounding Train Stations Between Newcastle And Sydney And Their Meanings
——-Justin’s Dream Analysed!
——-Inanimate Objects – Sick Computers From Janet McLeod and Susannah Close
——-Hap-Hap-Happy Top 5 Punctuation Marks From Tammy Nicholson
——-Kerry’s bit.
——-Latest News & Sydney Gigs
——-Song Workshop! Help me with my song ‘Feryl Beryl.’
Plus other bits. All this for $-80! (money I would have made working)
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LT BIRTHDAYS
Happy Birthday the late Johnny Cash, 77 last Friday!
Happy Birthday Alan Thicke (Dad from growing pains) 58 …
(Brought to you by ‘The Fulmeep’s’ SBS at 3:30am. The prelude to the New Zealand logies’ )
• The Bedroom Philosopher’s debut studio album ‘In Bed With My Doona has reached aluminium status with sales hitting the 100 mark in late January. Nan and Pop records have noted that previous release ‘Living on the edge…of my bed’ took seven months to reach the milestone, while In Bed With My Doona has taken just three and a half months. An interesting statistic is, that of the 20 odd albums that have been sold via mail order to people hearing stuff on Triple J. About 75% of them have been men in NSW. Also, the very first 11 albums sold were all …
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LapTopping Issue 38
Monday 21st February 2005
Estimated Reading Time: 11:13
(For optimum reading pleasure The LapTopping team suggests copying into word, printing out and reading on public transport. Please do not take your computer screen with you, or attempt to trace over the words with tracing paper.)
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LAPTOPPING AT A GLANCE!
——-In-Animate objects deaths by Helen Boutcher
——-Hap-hap-happy by Ladycracker
——-Top 5 best made up words and their meanings
——-Another one of Justin’s dreams to analyse.
——-Kerry’s bit.
——-News – Gigs
——-The Bedroom Philosopher’s Wagga Wagga O-week gig report!
Plus other bits. All this for $-80! (money I would have made working)
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LT BIRTHDAYS
Happy Birthday Seal 42 last Saturday!
Happy Birthday Justine Bateman 39 last …
(Brought to you by ‘Then You Whack It!’ the autobiographical pamphlet from child cricket superstar Rhodey Fleurhammer’ )
• My website will hopefully be ready within 2 weeks.
• My Mum saw me perform in Hobart for the first time in 6 years. She liked it all except the bit where I say I look like Harry Potter when he’s buggered up a spell. She said I shouldn’t put myself down, and ‘that’s not Justin.’
• I had a heckler at my solo show in Hobart who kept saying, ‘show us your nuts.’
• Pigs don’t sweat, apparently.
• Aphex Twin once spent 6 months working on the sound of one snare drum. …
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LapTopping Issue 37
Thursday January 27th 2005
** Laughapoolooza musical comedy gala Kaliede Theatre this Friday, Saturday night**
Estimated Reading Time: 5:11
Word for the day: Midrovert. (When you are halfway between introverted and extroverted)
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LAPTOPPING INFREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q. How many people are signed up to LapTopping?
A. About 560
Q. How many people asked to be signed up to LapTopping?
A. About 45
Q. A lot of it seems like a lot of personal jokes, is that right?
A. No, not at all – and if they are then I’m the only one who gets them.
Q. But aren’t most of the people that write in for hap-hap-happy and the inanimate objects your friends?
A. Sometimes, …
(Brought to you by ‘flatulale! The controversial new musical caravan by
Les bowel irritables )
• For Christmas from my mum and nan and pop I got an organiser, (a book, not a
paid helper), thongs, chocolate, a ‘tranquil Australia 2005’ calander, some
socks, some second hand thermal singlets my nan got off a friend, some new
shirts (a couple weren’t my scene, so mum said we could cash them back in at
kmart, god bless her), some after shave conditioning lotion and $50.
• I have gone onto the Vodafone ‘$80 call cap’ thing. You get $500 worth of
calls monthly for $80. It’s a great deal but I can’ t afford it and don’t know
what I’m doing. …
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This issue of LapTopping is humbly dedicated to those suffering from the
Psunami.
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LapTopping Issue 36
Tuesday January 4th 2005
** You can vote for ‘I’m So Post Modern’ in Triple J’s Hottest 100**
**Deadline January 21st! Read! Vote! Love!**
Estimated Reading Time: 7:24 (We appreciate that your eyes are itchy)
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LT BIRTHDAYS
Happy Birthday Malcolm Young (AC/DC) 52 Thursday!
Happy Brithday Rachel Friend (something) 35 Saturday!
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ON THIS DAY IN GRADE SEVEN (A reading from my Grade seven diary)
Publisher’s Note: We regret to inform that Justin’s 1993 diary entries are
currently offline as he didn’t write anything in his diary until school
started. We apologise for any convenience.
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BELATED CHRISTMAS BLESSING’S FROM BEV:…
