The Bedroom Philosopher …

December 15, 2005

Aloha Tiggerfolk!
Play the new game:
ROCK STAR!
BAND NAME!
HIT SINGLE!

How to play:

A) Work out your rock star name. FIRST NAME: This is your nan or pop’s first name hyphenated with your SECOND pet’s name. SURNAME: Your second ever street name. For example, my Pop’s name is Leonard. My second ever pet was a cat called Snowy. My second ever street name was Totterdell. Therefore, my rock star name is Leonard-Snowy Totterdell.
(NOTE: If you’ve only ever had one pet, or street name, take that. If you’ve never had a pet or street, contact administration for further counselling)

B) Work out your band name. To do this, you need to find an anagram of your full name (middle name too). The best way to do this is to download BLACKDOG’S ANAGRAM GENERATOR here:
blackdog4kids.com/games/word/martin.mamo

(You may have to download a little runtime program for it to work, it may take about five minutes)
Once you have it running. Type in your full name and hit ‘anagram now’ pick the one that you like best. For example, Justin Marcus Heazlewood becomes:
SIMULTANEOUS CHOW DAZE JR.

C) Work out the title of your hit single. This must come from a sentence in the last text message you received. It can be a word, fragment, or the whole sentence. For example, the last text I received was from Tom Doig, and I have taken “Come play on Thursday.”

Send in your entries in this format.
Name: Justin Marcus Heazlewood
Rock star name: Leonard-Snowy Totterdell.
Band name: Simultaneous Chow Daze Jr.
Hit Single: “Come play on Thursday.”

Leave your entries in the ‘Comments’ section at the end of this News brief!

NEWS (brought to you by ‘Optimus Prime’s’ stunning new acid jazz album ‘Fold me into a truck, milady.’ Even the most decepticonic of critics are raving. Let this challenging collection of saxophone and vocoder anthems ‘transform’ you.)

• I’ll be returning to Melbourne for three days on the 17th. Then off to Tasmania for a week on the 20th. Then I’ll be playing at the Tasmanian Falls Festival, before returning to Sydney for at least a couple of weeks.

• The Ronnie Johns Half Hour is resting, after having six episodes aired. The Christmas episode, of which I wrote the ‘photocopier whisperer’ sketch, will be repeated on Christmas day – and then the rest of the series will follow – I think. The show has rated well – moving up to 500, 000 viewers for the last episode. There’s no news of a second series, as yet. We are, however, talking seriously about contacting an acting agency for TV monkeys.

* After two attempts, I have retired as ‘warm-up guy’ for the Ronnie Johns live nights. My second stint began spiritedly, but soon dissolved into a fringe stroking confidence implosion – involving me hiding behind one of the television monitors and trying to disappear like Cat Power does at her gigs. My own personal ‘jumping the shark’ moment was when I’d abandoned any sense of ‘sport’ to determine which audience members ended up with items from the box of merchandise I had, and was just handing/hurling out Channel Ten pens and X-Factor CD wallets. At one point, after sending a barrage of objects into an unlit section of the audience, I hit a woman square in the face with an Australian Idol hardcover notebook and pen set. To make up for the blunder, I ensured she was renumerated with a CD-wallet, glowstick and a large quantity of pens. I’m thinking I would have been a good warm-up guy for a show like ‘Party of Five.’

• I received this poem from a fan called ‘James’:

If you’re depressed:
your really good
If cos your famous your now stuck up:
you suck.
* I attended the Triple J Christmas party in Sydney recently. My first conversation with anyone went like this:
Me: Do you know who won the J-award?
Guy: Wolfmother
Me: Damn, I really wanted Claire Bowditch to win. So what’s the J-award for, best album or best band?
Guy: Best album I think.
Me: Right. So have you heard the Wolfmother album?
Guy: Yeah. I’m in Wolfmother, so I’ve heard it quite a lot.
* ‘I’m So Postmodern’ will be in the Triple J Hottest 100 list again this year! Last year the song made it to #180 with only two months of being played – it’s been requested heavily this year and a similar campaign will be launched to vote in next LapTopping in early January. Voting begins January 1.
* I’ve written a couple of new songs lately. ‘Blue Chords’ is about lay-bying a pair of blue cords from Revolver. ‘Tessa the Hairdresser’ was kinda abandoned after an enthusiastic first verse and chorus. As was my prototype Christmas anthem ‘The whole world’s f*ucked’ written at six in the morning after a bender at the Town Hall Hotel. While in ‘Circus Bear,’ I’m going for the world record for saddest comedy song ever written. The ‘memory from the 80’s and early 90’s song’ that many of you contributed has reached its first draft stage! Next issue I shall splash it out and see what you think.
* Recommended website – www.one.org. You can save the world Pooglet. After this, you can have a giggle at: www.theonion.com/content/node/29830 - tip-off courtesy of Leigh Rigozzi.

31 Comments

Posted by Sinead on 17 Dec 2005 at 3:36 pm:

Name: Sinead Kathleen McKeough
Rockstar name: Jack-Bitsy Alfred
Band name: Naked lighthouse cake men
First single: My Elephant Called Tom-Gregory

Some of the anagrams were hilarious. I just chose the first good one, but I couldn’t help going through and checking out some more. Other good suggestions for my band name were:
Naked chalk meetinghouse
Methadone knuckle geisha
Huge adolescent khaki men
Huge naked mackintosh eel
Huge naked chameleon skit

Posted by Sarah Turk on 17 Dec 2005 at 5:04 pm:

Name: Sarah Rose Turk
Rock Star Name: Mildred Chiggy King
Band Name: Sour Shaker Art
Hit Single: Welcome to Sunny Adelaide

Posted by Jessie on 19 Dec 2005 at 8:37 am:

Name: Jessie Kate Brown
Rockstar Name: Sandra-Deisel 12
Band Name: “Java Don’t work”
Hit single: “Whatever”
Java doesnt work on my computer, enter me anyway!! As for the text message thingy, you know fat cat and friends? well im fat cat no friends.

Posted by james on 19 Dec 2005 at 12:31 pm:

I think you should write a huge naked chameleon skit for ronnie johns. That’s fame.

Posted by Lecca on 20 Dec 2005 at 12:46 pm:

Name: Natalie “Lecca” Juhasz
Rockstar Name: Sadie-Atticus Banoon
Band: Ejaculate Clash Nazi
Hit single: Wido, Feel like calling me at work?

… My friends call me odd things. Wido is just one of them.

Posted by james simpson on 22 Dec 2005 at 2:25 pm:

gary

Posted by james simpson on 22 Dec 2005 at 2:26 pm:

go on then kick me in the jugglies

Posted by Justin on 24 Dec 2005 at 11:08 am:

Thankyou James for your Christmas message. However, I must concur:
A) It’s janglies.
B) Nuthin.

Posted by Kat on 25 Dec 2005 at 10:47 pm:

isn’t concur agree? we grammar nerds don’t have lives, we check spelling on random websites at christmas.
it turns out i am edna-hoochie mcgregor. my band ‘artisan wank kit’ have just released our roaring hit single ‘mugged at gunpoint’. get it at all good record stores NOW! not tomorrow. because i will hurt you.
ps- outrageous! your’re doing falls!
pps- delicious! i just caught the ronnie johns christmas special!

Posted by Tim Wilson on 26 Dec 2005 at 8:51 pm:

Name: Timothy James Wilson
Rockstar Name: Ian-Darcy Railway
Band Name: Testimony Howl A Jism
Hit Single: Dive On!

Posted by Augusta on 29 Dec 2005 at 4:59 pm:

Name: Augusta Burden Lindqiust
Rockstar Name: Marie-Billy Fergusson
Band Name: Bulgarian Squid Stud Tune
Hit Single: We are always together! Is that ok?

Posted by Karena on 1 Jan 2006 at 7:41 pm:

Hey! So its been a while, and I’ve only recently discovered you again - remeber me? Nigel’s big sister.
I also notice KFC is remarkable absent from your bio… reasons?? wasn’t all that bad was it?
Anyway, decided I’d play your game -
Name: Karena Jane Burke
Rockstar Name: Winifred-Leo Garner
Band Name: Juke Arena Ken Bra
Hit Single: Its a bit of a blur so I must of had fun…
I hear you had a great crowd at Falls, congrats - keep it up, I’m converted, along with many others who’ve jumped on with me!

Posted by Scott on 1 Jan 2006 at 9:47 pm:

Hey Justin, I watched your act at The Falls Festival, and immediately went and found you to purchase your C.D. I was with the character that had you sign a receipt of a ‘K.F.C Sweet-Chilli Twister Combo’ upsized nonetheless! I won’t be surprised if you don’t remember though, as it was amidst the Scottish folk asking you to ‘sign their tips.’ I’ll look forward to seeing you again. - Regards; Scott

Posted by Scott on 1 Jan 2006 at 9:58 pm:

Name: Scott Saward
Rockstar Name: John-Rosco Old-Cam
Band Name: Towards Cats
Hit Single: We’re Goin’ Beachin’

Posted by Caitlin on 2 Jan 2006 at 12:04 am:

Name: Caitlin Jane Frunks
Rockstar Name: Sue-Bonnie Willagee
Band Name: Triennial Fucks Jan
Hit Single: “Don’t call me a fuckin leso slut!”

Posted by Yogo on 2 Jan 2006 at 12:12 am:

Name: Rowan Ella McKeough
Rockstar Name: Moyna-Eagle Hollett
Band Name: OK Halloween Car Mug (although it could also have been “Wok Armour Challenge”…)
Hit Single: “The podmagic team”

Posted by Yogo on 2 Jan 2006 at 12:23 am:

“Concur”, by the way, does not necessarily mean agree. It is usually used in that context but doesn’t have to be.

Posted by orly on 2 Jan 2006 at 4:38 pm:

name: orly jane primov
rock star name: Miriam Snowy Morgan
my ‘emo’ band name: Palimony over Jr

(palimony means An allowance for support made under court order and given usually by one person to his or her former lover or live-in companion after they have separated….. i had to look it up, but i think it fits)

Hit single: ‘its painful for me to be outside’

My other band name could have been
‘Joy Prevail, Mr NO’

Posted by al on 8 Jan 2006 at 12:42 am:

name: alison mary horne
rock star name: molly-smallpiece alanthus
band name: manholes iron ray
hit single: prancer-licious
(although i agree that eating reindeer at christmas is wrong in many ways, it is very tasty)

Posted by James Borman on 8 Jan 2006 at 8:16 pm:

Name: James Eric John Borman
Rock Star Name: Alfred-Winston Howard (Christ, I’m John Howard’s rock star brother)
Band Name: Rhinoceros Men Jab Jam
Hit Single: We just had our last delivery

Posted by Tori Hodgman on 9 Jan 2006 at 8:16 am:

Name: Victoria Jane Hodgman
Rock Star Name: Flowerpot-Gabrielle Garfield (my granma’s parents were hippies - Flowerpot!! And we laughed at Apple Martin…)
Band Name: Octahedron Vagina Jim (inspired by Octopussy/James Bond perhaps?) Hehehe
Hit Single: Sleep Well X

Posted by Christie on 10 Jan 2006 at 8:02 am:

Name: Christie Louise Carless
Rock Star name: Marie-Gumboot Amarina
Band Name: Sisco Chartreuse Lilies
Hit Single: A bit late for you

Posted by Beth on 10 Jan 2006 at 11:08 am:

Name: Elizabeth Cashin
Rock Star Name: Dawn-Zap Birong
Band Name: Absinthe Chi Zeal or Chinese Ah A Blitz. I suppose it depends what *type* of rock band it is :D
Hit Single: How Goes It?

Posted by Andrew on 10 Jan 2006 at 11:14 am:

Name: Andrew Brookes Clipsham
Rock Star Name: Betty-Gypsy Wyera
Band Name: ‘Preschooler Was Bad Mink’ though we’re thinking of changing the name to ‘Responsible Mohawk Card’. It all depends on how our labels fashion designer does the hair in the morning i suppose.
Hit Single: Have 2 Take A Rain Check